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17 Things You Should Not Say To a New Mama

Becoming a parent is hard. Becoming a mama is harder—especially if you give birth.

Imagine this: you’re recovering from the hardest physical, mental and emotional event of your entire life and you’re feeling vulnerable. Even if you’re an Enneagram Type 8 (the challenger) or you have good boundaries with people, you’ll hear some crazy comments or ridiculous questions that make you wonder why on EARTH people can be so insensitive and rude.

Here’s 17 comments people have made (and you should never make) to a new or pregnant mama:

  1. Can I just touch your stomach? I want to touch my grandbaby.” (Said to a very pregnant mama.)
  2. Are you disappointed you didn’t give birth naturally?” (Said to a c-section mama.)
  3. Can I wear the baby?” (Like in a carrier or a wrap.)
  4. Did you know that grandmothers can learn to breastfeed again?

5. “Why aren’t your breastfeeding?” Or “Why aren’t you bottle-feeding?

6. “How long did you push for? Did you tear? Did you need stiches?

7. “I know you’re tired, but you need to be making time for sex with your husband for the sake of your relationship.” (From a mother-in-law to her newly pregnant daughter-in-law.)

8. “Your mama is being a meanie and won’t let me kiss you. Don’t worry, one day I’ll give you lots of kisses.” (Comment made to the baby, in front of the mom.)

9. “I want the baby to call me ________.” (Insert creepy, made-up, pet name here.)

10. “I can’t wait for MY grandbaby to be in MY arms and spend the night at MY house.” (Emphasis on the possessive pronoun, “my.”)

11. “When I had my baby I ___________.” (Insert any unsolicited piece of advice here.)

12. “Huh, that’s funny, I didn’t give my baby that until he was older.” (A classic backhanded comment.)

13. A mama asks for her baby back. Person holding her baby: “No, I’m not done cuddling yet.”

14. “I just read an article that said you really shouldn’t _________.” (Again, insert any unsolicited tips or advice here.)

15. “When is the baby going to be baptized? Everyone in our family was baptized as a baby.”

16. Mom says, “No” to something to do with her baby, and the person responds with, “But I’m the grandma/grandpa/uncle/aunt” or “I’m family.”

17. “I hope to be very well known to him/her” or “I hope to have a special relationship with him/her.” (In reference to the baby.)

Here’s the deal: whether you’re a parent or not, hopefully you see how obviously inappropriate those questions/comments are. If you do see it, YAY, that means you’re emotionally intelligent. If don’t see it, UH-OH, it’s time for a serious reality check. And maybe, time to send out some apologies.

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